<Pobz> you guys up me crack
<Pobz> i mean crack me up

<MrWibble> i have an itch on my head now
* Quad5Ny itches matts head
<doser> in my entire life, i only get an itchy head when im playing on a console and i need both hands
<doser> sods fucking law.
<doser> or when im playing a duel in q3 and i need 100% concentration
<doser> my legs always start itching

<parpar> souleh, didn’t I tell you to suck my shemale penis?
<parpar> Get on your knees and give me twenty
<souleh> I dont have a magnifying glass handy
<souleh> lend me one and I’ll try and find it
<souleh> but i cant suck what i cant see
* parpar hands souleh a laser microscope
<souleh> why, thankyou.

([TFF]monkey): US father names son ’Version 2.0’ : http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/world/americas/3451207.stm
(MD87): Old news
([TFF]monkey): oh well sorreeeee MD87
([TFF]monkey): shall we call you em dee fucking trevor mcdonald bastard eighty-fucking-seven from now on?

(traesko) I cried today..
(traesko) I saw Brother Bear..
(traesko) the ending is so beautiful..
! @Spudman kills traesko
(@Spudman) men dont cry!
(@Spudman) unless its to the ending of west side story
(traesko) Spudman: yes they do..
(@Spudman) *sniff*
! @Spudman gets out the tissue
(traesko) I sometimes cry when i watch oprah damnit..

[@evangelic] our new BF member
[@evangelic] is gay
[@evangelic] and keeps flirting with me

[@nH`AuroN]: o man
[@nH`AuroN]: i just farted and wee came out
[+wdN|vamp]: please be lieing
[+scopeh]: omg, stop
[+M3^JasoN]: rofl auron

<stuie> btw marik kennex pwns ur lil bike
<Marik^> who is kennex?
<Marik^> ?
<stuie> kennex connex something along those lines
<Marik^> wtf you on about dude?
<Longbow[GB]> lol
<stuie> do you know what i mean Longbow[GB]?
<stuie> and i'm not a dude i told you to call me Mr stu
<Longbow[GB]> yes
<stuie> see Longbow[GB] understands me
* stuie sighs
<Marik^> you mean k-nex?
<stuie> never try to tell a moron about something good
<Longbow[GB]> ^^
<stuie> yeah i said something like that
<Marik^> no you didnt
<stuie> kennex - almost connex
<Marik^> you said :Kennex i said: k-nex
<Longbow[GB]> (16:21:38) <stuie> i think i might of got pwned by marik
<Longbow[GB]> (16:21:41) <stuie> :'(
<Longbow[GB]> lol
<stuie> k-nex
* stuie cries

<@Profliebstrom> Love is like wetting yourself, everyone can see it but only you can feel the warmth

<ComradeBadger> heh
<ComradeBadger> my friend's mum was having a go at her for wearing a such a short skirt.. and she said
<ComradeBadger> 'If you go out with a skirt that short, you'll get chapped lips'
* ComradeBadger sniggers
<Ferg> got pics?

[15:59] (D33|BTBilling): StarMonkey, I have a few good sites for you to look at, they're ... oh wait.. you're 56k
[15:59] (D33|BTBilling): snigger

[16:02] (StarMonkey): i have an idea

[16:04] *** Quits: [2]Player (~ogh@orac.34sp.com) (G-lined)
[16:04] *** Quits: [7]Player (~ogh@orac.34sp.com) (G-lined)
[16:04] *** Quits: D33|BTBilling (~ogh@orac.34sp.com) (G-lined)
[16:04] *** Quits: [0]Player (~ogh@orac.34sp.com) (G-lined)
[16:04] (StarMonkey): aAAAAAAHAHAhah
[16:04] (deff): pwned
[16:04] (deff): :E
[16:04] (StarMonkey): me > d33

<D33> k
<D33> picture the scene
<D33> there i was, driving down the carridgeway at a steady 90mph
<D33> the road was clear, life was good, i had no troubles
<D33> WHEN BAM
<D33> a fucking bird
<D33> flies out of nowhere
<D33> hits my windscreen wipers
<D33> then the windscreen
<D33> feathers, blood, bits of bird, you fucking name it
<D33> all over the place
<ManiC^> kitchen sink ?
<D33> well fuck me tbh :/
<Synbios> :/
<jimbobaggies> no ta
<D33> I'm still trying to get to grips with it
<D33> I have .... bird blood... on my car..
<ManiC^> pressure washer
<D33> and feathers...
<ManiC^> :p
<D33> FEATHERS FFS!
<Drkwoman> murdered by d33
<Drkwoman> :<
<Synbios> well, you did what Dick Dastardly has been trying to do for 35 years
<ManiC^> lol
<jimbobaggies> roflmfao
<jimbobaggies> catch the pigeon, catch the pigeon....

(CitrusC) Can anyone here read the kerrang?
(CitrusC) That jewish book
(@[Matt]) wtf?
(CitrusC) About god and shit?
(CitrusC) It's like the jewish bible, I think
(@[Matt]) lol
(@[Matt]) Kerrang is my bible
(@[Matt]) but its not a jewish holy book you eeeejit
(Kuros^) CitrusC, kerrang? I really hope you don't mean the quoran? (Koran)
(Kuros) :q
(CitrusC) ?
(Kuros) ...
(CitrusC) Whatever
(CitrusC) it sounds like kerrang
(CitrusC) the jewish bible
(dura) best mispelling of the year.
(CitrusC) about allah
(Kuros) Please tell me you are not this ignorant.
(dura) I hope he's joking. :).
(CitrusC) ignorent??
(@[Matt]) CitrusC
(@[Matt]) allah = islamic name for god
(@[Matt]) khoran = islamic holy book
(CitrusC) ahh
(@[Matt]) eeeejit
(CitrusC) so it's the islamic bible?
(Kuros) O_O O_O O_O O_O
(Kuros) How old are you CitrusC? :0
(CitrusC) 17. Yourself?
(Kuros) 21.
(Kuros) Don't you learn religion at school?
(@[Matt]) if you wish to know the jewish holy book is called the tanakh
(CitrusC) Yeah, they tried to teach some of it
(@[Matt]) CitrusC
(@[Matt]) my holy book is the kerrang
(@[Matt]) ;)
(CitrusC) I can't say I payed much attention. Waste of time where I could be educated.
(CitrusC) Thought it was odd that the alternative music mag was named after it, tbh
(@[Matt]) rofl

<Ben> we have normal, hateful families
<Ben> not your " i love you" family

<Malygris> Hey, interesting. I just got an email offering 20% off rabbits.
<Malygris> So I clicked it. I like rabbits. They're cute, and I have lots of other animals anyway, so a rabbit or two might be cool.
<Malygris> Turns out that "rabbit" is apparently some sort of slang for neon-coloured dildos with anal stimulators.
<Malygris> Good prices, though.

<poppy> u get my text??
<daisy> yer i did
<daisy> but i was driving at the time so i cudnt reply
<poppy> lol aww. i cudda taken ur life with a txt
<poppy> [takes up O2's 100 free texts a month offer]
<daisy> grrr

<Davo`> Has your brother ever thrown a dart at your head? That hurts
<Davo`> True story, actually
<Davo`> Thankfully it didnt reach the bone, it just flopped out
<Davo`> ... and I'm still talking about the dart

<ShaggyShaggs> what's up?
<smirkingplague> ..heeey
<smirkingplague> I'm quitting my job
<smirkingplague> today
<smirkingplague> .. in a couple hours
<ShaggyShaggs> hmmm
<smirkingplague> .. and I'm not telling anyone. I'm just simply not going to go.
<ShaggyShaggs> you're telling me :-P
<smirkingplague> Oh well, I mean anyone who works at my job.
<smirkingplague> And when they call..
<smirkingplague> I'm not going to answer.
<ShaggyShaggs> how do you know I don't?
<smirkingplague> ...
<smirkingplague> You're of the male gender right?
<ShaggyShaggs> as far as you know... internet anonymity is odd like that
<smirkingplague> hmm.. well.. I'm pretty sure you don't..
<smirkingplague> and even if you did..
<smirkingplague> you'd only know it was me at 10AM when I don't show up..
<smirkingplague> which I will be sleeping by then..

<ShaggyShaggs> so what brought about the decision to quit?
<smirkingplague> the fact that the fucking bitch cut my wages down to $5 when I was making 6.5 which is minimum wage in this state..and then erased ten hours from my last scheduled pay period so I only got paid for 24.5 instead of 34.5 and then telling me I have to dress up and wear full makeup to serve hotdogs
<ShaggyShaggs> hmmm
<ShaggyShaggs> there's a better way to quit that sort of job
<smirkingplague> my first plan was to go in there and walk out.
<ShaggyShaggs> I think the state calls it Assault Causing Grievous Bodily Harm
<smirkingplague> ... Now that sounds like a plan.
<ShaggyShaggs> it even has benefits
<ShaggyShaggs> if you stick around when the men in the cars with the flashing lights show up, the state provides your room and board and medical and such
<smirkingplague> ah, yes, so then I don't have to worry about getting another job right away
<ShaggyShaggs> exactly
<ShaggyShaggs> gives you time to plan out your career path without the stress of wondering where your next meal will come from
<smirkingplague> hmm.. Brilliant...
<ShaggyShaggs> sometimes the other guests of the state will even teach you a trade
<ShaggyShaggs> such as winemaking or knifecrafting using common inconspicuous items
<smirkingplague> I could use that winemaking skill

<gh0st>: I'm walking around my store when I walk by the bathroom hallway. Basically, there was a sphere maybe 20 feet around the entrance to this hallway where the smell of shit, HUMAN SHIT, was so bad my eyes teared up; honestly it was hard to even breathe around it. I braved a glimpse down the hall and found a small poopie hanging out from under the doorway (like someone had shit in the door, then plopped the door on it.) I thought that wasent so bad, but when I opened the door... holy cow.

Have any of you ever seen the movie Backdraft? Basically a huge flame of shit smell enveloped me and nearly knocked me over. I put my shirt over my mouth, but even the heavy polo shirt wouldnt protect me from this. It sank into my very being. When I opened my eyes I felt the urge to saw my eyes out of my skull. Poop was everywhere. It was on the floor, the walls, the sink, the urinals, the toilets, there was even a long streak across the ceiling, like somebody had taken one of their turds (which by this time were mangled to smell recognition only) and thrown it across the ceiling. One was even sticking to the top, barely hanging on. Basically it was like the exorcist, where the little girl, instead of split pea soup, had spewed forth gallons of shit. I am not even joking, this was the work of ONE MAN. I cannot emphasize the amount of shit that must have come forth from his bowels to cause this mess.

everything i've ever seen in my life pales to my experience at this store. the amount of human, animal, and bird shit i see on a day to day basis at this store is astonishing. the wasting an entire tp roll is pretty common too, and absolutely disgusting.

the worst thing is though, that the asshole decided to smear shit all over the door knob so i couldnt get the fuck out after i was in there, and they took out all the paper towels and smeared them in poop. i had to use my phone to call for help.

<Kealiki> The only thing I ever got in trouble for...
<Kealiki> and this really should have clued everyone into the fact that perhaps I was a tad desensitized....
<Kealiki> was when we were writing in this book the day after our trip to Spruce Meadows (Horse Jumping shows and whatnot)
<Kealiki> our trip was corporate sponsored, so we were all writing thank you notes and things we liked about the trip to the company
<Kealiki> I wrote "I loved the trip! My favorite part was when the horse crashed and pinned the woman".
<Kealiki> I didnt realize it was wrong to say that until I got the detention.
<DrunkenBug> you got a detention?
<ShaggyShaggs> that RULES
<DrunkenBug> for that?
<Kealiki> Yeh, I got detention.
<Kealiki> because I "ruined the class gift" to the people
<ShaggyShaggs> that part doesn't rule so much
<Kealiki> I was like "YOU CAN ERASE IT IF YOU WANT TO TELL LIES"
<Kealiki> I got a second detention for that.

<HyperChris> rolf harris needs to bring out his own brand of signature mayonnaise
<HyperChris> and call it ROFLMAO

<@slinter> imagine you get driven over by some tank in your car while waiting on a light
<@Thargore> erm, that would suck
<@slinter> yea, i mean they dont see too well in those tanks
<@slinter> its like when someone wants to fuck you in the ass and you cant escape ><
<@Thargore> ah, like that
<@Thargore> but instead of a penis, its an artillery tank
<@slinter> yea, anal(!)ogy

<@TheRandom> !roulette
* &GameServ loads the gun and sets it on the table
<@TheRandom> !shoot
<&GameServ> Click...
<@TheRandom> !shoot
<&GameServ> Click...
<@TheRandom> !shoot
<&GameServ> Click...
<@TheRandom> !shoot
<&GameServ> Click...
<@TheRandom> !shoot
<&GameServ> Click...
<@TheRandom> Your turn.

<Jenn> try putting one drop of black food coloring in a glass of milk and drink it
<Sierro> i once played drinking draughts (checkers) with a mate
<Jenn> it's funny
<Sierro> had to colour the vodkas with food colouring to tell the difference
<Sierro> was fine
<Sierro> though my poo was blue the next day
<Jenn> it's almost impossible to bring yourself to drinking it though you know it's fine
<Sierro> :D
<onions> like carling

<@Robmonster> how do i join the mpd league?
(qui) press alt + f4
signoff | Robmonster | (Quit) | 7:15pm |||
join | Robmonster | (Robmonster@adsl-172-104.iomart.com) | 7:15pm |||
mode/#mpd | (+v Robmonster) | by | bah
<Robmonster> hmm, something went wrong with my irc then
<Robmonster> let me try that again
signoff | Robmonster | (Quit) | 7:15pm |||
join | Robmonster | (Robmonster@adsl-172-104.iomart.com) | 7:16pm |||
mode/#mpd | (+v Robmonster) | by | bah
<Robmonster> nope
(qui) oh dear

<Heartwork> you know you've had too much to drink when you find yourself staring at your sisters arse.

[18:48] <Rasak> Customer is always right
[18:48] <Customer> Yes, I am
[18:48] <Customer> Rasak r ghey.

<Trimbo> omg
<Trimbo> i havnt rebooted in 3 days
<Trimbo> on my xp laptop
* Trimbo (sdf@[AO]Trimbo.users.quakenet.org) Quit (Read error: Connection reset by peer)

<OmeGa`> I have a gay friend :/
<Luggage> i have 3 gay freinds and 2 bi friends
<OmeGa`> and.. he’s weard :/
<Luggage> lol
<Batz> lol
<Batz> they are ffs
<Luggage> 1 of the gay guys is weird
<Luggage> the other two aint that weird
<Batz> your talking about fit birds
<Batz> and then he’s like
<SAngel> nowdays you can’t tell the diferent sometimes
<Batz> "oooh, so and so guy is fit"
<Luggage> yeah
* Narly has joined #redeemers
* Q sets mode: +o Narly
* noo sets mode: +v Narly
<Batz> ooer, lo narly
<Luggage> some ppl go out of their way to say "OMG LOOK IM GAY"
<SAngel> Megs you could a have a gay friend that acts like a straight person, and you don’t even know
<Luggage> idd megs
<Narly> lo bitches
<Luggage> 2o/
<Batz> yea saz
<Luggage> :P
<Batz> lo narly
<Batz> :E
<Narly> tis l8 - an im pished
<Luggage> lo narly 2o/
<SAngel> hello manwhore :]
<Batz> rofl
<OmeGa`> I do have a gay friend :/
<Luggage> wp
<OmeGa`> his name is andre :/
<Batz> ROFL
<Batz> peter andre?
<OmeGa`> and.. he poos of the roof :(
<Luggage> rofl;
<Luggage> ROFFFFFFFL
<Luggage> rofl dan
<Luggage> :E
<Batz> LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
<Batz> :D
<Luggage> rooooooooopoooooooooooofffffffffffl megsd
<Luggage> rlkhsdras
<Luggage> ;ppol
<Batz> lolol
<Luggage> lol
<Luggage> dodgy shit
<Luggage> ;E
<SAngel> he what??
<Batz> :E
<OmeGa`> I filmed it on my phone :/
<Batz> ROFL
<Luggage> rofl
<OmeGa`> once I get bluetooth
<Luggage> on the fucking quote it goes
<Batz> megs, your the man
<Batz> :D
<OmeGa`> I’m gonna show you if you dont beleave me :(
<Batz> lol no ta megs
<Luggage> rofl pls dont megs

({SCF}TJF) might wana eat some prunes tho
(D33`) :o
(Blood_God) 0_o
(D33`) dare i ask why, even though i suspect i know the answer?
(Blood_God) if you don’t i will.
({SCF}TJF) they have codine in them
(D33`) and that means ?
({SCF}TJF) will make you sleepy and give you "brick turds"
(Blood_God) lol.
(D33`) oh good
(D33`) they’ve been coming out sloppy
(D33`) take extra paper to wipe my cheeks clean
(Blood_God) ew..
(D33`) will be a nice change

[18:15] <+Kjata> so whats every1s recommendations for a new case then?
[18:15] <+Kjata> max cost preferably 100quid
[18:15] <+Kjata> mibbe more
[18:16] <Bad-Co> samsonite
[18:16] <Intron> carboard box with lots of Parcle Tape
[18:17] <+Kjata> url BC?
[[18:17] <Bad-Co> Kjata
[18:17] <Bad-Co> http://www.samsonitecompanystores.com/webapp/scs/servlet/SProductSelector?productcategory=C05&storeId=10151&langId=-1

* Algol has joined #halflife2
<Zakat> ::P
<DiSTuRbEdofX> Don’t call me dear , I am not gay like you
<Zakat> :P*
<Zakat> Got a problem with my sexuallity?
<mrBadger> let’s not start anything eh?
* Algol has left #halflife2

@ftz|lmts: I tried phone sex once. I got an ear infection.

(Sprite): boiled egg?
(Sprite): im a spack cook
(LoneGun): sprite just do in microwave for like 2 mins
(Sprite): on it's own lonegun ?
(LoneGun): aye sprite
(Ched): 2 mins
(Ched): for 650 watt microwave
(Sprite): so a egg, in a bowl, on it's own for 2 mins in a microwave ?
(Sprite): n1 im off to cook
(Sprite): k guys
(Sprite): u guys are cocks
(Sprite): the egg just blow up

(traesko) mp3 ? Dumbo - When I See An Elephant Fly (01:47/128kbps) ||| d(')')b
(Punzz) ........
(@himself) traesko
(@himself) you NEED medical HELP

<Marik> im new to this thing
<Abomi> life?
<Marik> no
<Marik> intranet

<Marik> whats 'double you tee eff' means
<Pod`> you're an eejit, arn't you?
<Marik> no

{@c-rOCK} im sitting here
{@c-rOCK} and from my tv all i hear is this ladys voice go
{@c-rOCK} big....heavy jugs
{@c-rOCK} and im like WHAT
{@c-rOCK} and its just a brita commercial
{@c-rOCK} :[

<MrSparrow> Whats wrong with Monty Python?
<Zerimski> it pollutes the minds of innocent young children.
<Zerimski> filling it them with spam and Defense Against Attacks With Fresh Fruit classes.
<Abomi> Better than education.
<Zerimski> yeah
<Zerimski> look, I'll show you
<Zerimski> come at me with that banana
<Fen|Away> LOL!
<Zerimski> no, really
<Zerimski> come on
<Zerimski> give it all you've got
Fen|Away comes at Zerimski with a banana
Zerimski shoots Fen|Away

<LOLMAN-> TEHRE APPEARS TO BE AN AIMBOTTAR ON TEH LOLMAN SERVAR :<
<LOLMAN-> NAEM IS "BUMMER", SO ITS POSSIBLE TAHT HE LIKES ANAL
<limited> OMFG RAELLY!
<LOLMAN-> THUOGH I REALIESE THAT IS IRRELEVANT
<LOLMAN-> BAN ASAP
<limited> NICKLAME?!
<LOLMAN-> NO HES BOTTIGN :E
<limited> NICKNAME?
<LOLMAN-> BUMMER
<limited> BANNZ0RED!!!1!
<LOLMAN-> HE LEFT :F
<LOLMAN-> OHH RITE
<LOLMAN-> LEET :DDD
<LOLMAN-> THANX MAN
<limited> np ;)
<LOLMAN-> OHH MAN, TEHRES SOEM OTHAR LAEMER NOW, TAEMKILLING EVARYONE
<LOLMAN-> NICKNAME IS "LOLMAN"
<LOLMAN-> :DDDDDDD
<limited> AHR AHR!

<ZoFreX> I leave to sleep now, have this limerick:
<ZoFreX> A programmer started to cuss
<ZoFreX> Because getting to sleep was a fuss
<ZoFreX> As he lay there in bed
<ZoFreX> Looping 'round in his head
<ZoFreX> was: while(!asleep()) sheep++;

<Kealiki> the next girl is coming to measure my room tomorrow around noon
<Kealiki> so it needs to be in some order.
<ShaggyShaggs> heh
<ShaggyShaggs> you traded your sister for another one?
<Kealiki> hell yes.
<Kealiki> Its bigger, AND I can keep my computer in there
<Kealiki> as well as no longer have people trapsing through my room to get to the storage in the closet
<Kealiki> the only thing is its the room that you can hear everything from the rest of the house in.
<ShaggyShaggs> ...
<ShaggyShaggs> bwahahaha
<ShaggyShaggs> I think you were thinking something other than what I meant
<Kealiki> o.0
<Kealiki> most likely.
<ShaggyShaggs> I meant another sister
<Kealiki> wtf were you thinking?
<Kealiki> oh...
<Kealiki> I traded my sister for her room
<Kealiki> but yes
<Kealiki> I traded my sister for a new roomie :P
<ShaggyShaggs> well reread your response with that in mind, lol
<Kealiki> ....
<Kealiki> . . .
<Kealiki> you are one sick fuck.

<daisy> im knitting
<avon> what are you knitting?
<daisy> dunno

<_MAXX_> Zofrex thinks i look nice today
<_MAXX_> he's bi
<Velfolt> so are you
<_MAXX_> im not
<ZoFreX> I said I was maybe bi
<_MAXX_> i bat for the team that fancies girls
<_MAXX_> and only that team!
<ZoFreX> meh
<ZoFreX> I'd swing for brad pitt

Davo`: How do you make a person with Down's syndrome stop crying? You take your foot off his head
Davo`: Thank you
Davo`: I'm here all night

<Poppy> fuck
<Poppy> a moth just landed on the monitor
<Daisy> ha
<Poppy> and i went to right click and select "delete"
<Daisy> ha ha ha
<Daisy> u idiot

<clairey> martha come tomorrow and we'll have a girly talk
<slysiren> you and I are classified as girls?
<clairey> YEAH
<clairey> cos we have CUNTS
<clairey> haha :D

<everyone> what is with my F key
<cla`> tell it to uck o

<Brocken> I'm trying to make coloured ice cubes onions :p
<Brocken> I can't find any food colouring in the house ;(
<onions> i could tell you how to make yellow ones

&#8212;&#8250; nick: (x10) is now known as (x10|supcom)
(Jenn) supcom?
(x10|supcom) supreme commander
(x10|supcom) huge rts
(Jenn) you dont have to address me like that
(Jenn) Jenn is fine
(Jenn) :x