* [jpf]00 whips his man-beans out
[Deviant] id whip mine out but im sat here naked
[Deviant] its a bad idea really, my chair is leather and two words can tell you the problem with that
[Deviant] Ass Juice

<BliZZardX> why is pbupdate so slow
<BliZZardX> honestly :(
<WeblionX> BliZZardX: Zinx knows!
<BliZZardX> who?
<WeblionX> I can guess that it's because PB sucks, but he would know the real reason.
<WeblionX> BliZZardX: zinx.
* WeblionX points to the nick list.
<BliZZardX> where is she?
<BliZZardX> ah there
<WeblionX> Pretty sure it's a he. But I could be wrong! >_>
<BliZZardX> yeah true
<BliZZardX> girls don't exist on the internets
<WeblionX> You mean Kitteh isn't a girl?! Ohsnoes :o
<BliZZardX> kitteh just has a feminine side
<-- zinx has quit (Connection timed out)
<WeblionX> Hah.
--> KittehKat (i=KittehKa@24-177-65-187.dhcp.hckr.nc.charter.com) has joined #etpro
<WeblionX> O_o
<KittehKat> loee

[+Davo`] here comes my brother...he went for lazer eye surgery today and come home with 2 patches over his eyes.
[+Davo`] brb. im gonna go poke them

<DharKon>So, how are you?
<littlegothspawn>bored
<DharKon>I go to bed when I am bored.
<DharKon>That or play with myself...
<DharKon>...sometimes in bed.
<DharKon>"Would you like a cup of tea, Norman Bear?"
<littlegothspawn>
yes

<Klostrophobik> No, I just have a very low tollerance for alchol
<WormRunner> sounds like my sister. sniffing the cork is good enough
<shiruken> I so did not read that as "sniffing the cork"

<Angel_Bear> I once did a Google search on "flesh eating bacteria".
<Angel_Bear> Sure enough, in the Google listings, I read "Flesh Eating Bacteria: Whatever you want, you can get it on eBay."

<cactus> I talked to some lady, that had such a hot voice, I wanted to push my wiener through the phone.

< noussquid> i had a guy who is now my husband do the nerdiest thing to my boob ever
< menion> Uh oh
< noussquid> he pressed on my nipple and said engage

<@shiruken> hell, I bet your sister gets exploited less than IIS and ASP

(Nutsy) Ho long can headlice live without human blood?
(Sierro) 37.3 days
(Sierro) but tbh, draining your head of blood isn't the best way to combat them
(@Ventral) heh
(Nutsy) so wanking constantly isnt a good idea then

addeman> after some bad experiences with fat chicks I no longer ask their asl
<addeman> instead I ask for their BMI

(Jani) the wii is going to get raped in the console war
(Jani) unless xbox360's start exploding like dell laptops
(%Ransom) ps3 will destroy everything
(Jani) including your wallet

<Sierro> i took the afternoon off
<Sierro> then realised there was fuck all to do
<onions> same here, i've been sitting around for an hour wondering how to reply to an email
<TheDarkOne> onions: you click on the reply button and type text in the box that appears

<Jenn> try putting one drop of black food coloring in a glass of milk and drink it
<Sierro> i once played drinking draughts (checkers) with a mate
<Jenn> it's funny
<Sierro> had to colour the vodkas with food colouring to tell the difference
<Sierro> was fine
<Sierro> though my poo was blue the next day
<Jenn> it's almost impossible to bring yourself to drinking it though you know it's fine
<Sierro> :D
<onions> like carling

<Brocken> I'm trying to make coloured ice cubes onions :p
<Brocken> I can't find any food colouring in the house ;(
<onions> i could tell you how to make yellow ones

(Jolene) my psu blew up :( so no tfc until its replaced
(Jenn) but but
(Jenn) did it get permission?
(Jolene) no
(Jolene) i was trying to turn it on
(Jenn) zoiks
(D33`Laptop) PSU MOLESTER :O
(Jolene) all i did was put it in
(Jolene) and it blew
(D33`Laptop) :O

<everyone> what is with my F key
<cla`> tell it to uck o

<@TheRandom> !roulette
* &GameServ loads the gun and sets it on the table
<@TheRandom> !shoot
<&GameServ> Click...
<@TheRandom> !shoot
<&GameServ> Click...
<@TheRandom> !shoot
<&GameServ> Click...
<@TheRandom> !shoot
<&GameServ> Click...
<@TheRandom> !shoot
<&GameServ> Click...
<@TheRandom> Your turn.

<~everyone> .. the FUCK?
<~everyone> my motherboard has a device setting of "floptical"

<DarkAngela> well, guys, i'm outta here for the night.
<DarkAngela> Later.
* DarkAngela waves
* Frymaster is now known as Fry|zzZZzZz
* DarkAngela is now known as DA|away
<Fry|zzZZzZz> nn all
* Fry|zzZZzZz particles

<+Josh> About a year or so ago, being the lazy fuck I am, would do my business (that means jacking off, people) on this chair, and my seed would land on this loney stretch of carpet at the corner of the room, far enough out of the way that I didn't have to worry about cleaning
<+Josh> Disgusting, yes.
<+Josh> This goes on for a few months, with me paying little attention to the condition of my carpeting.
<+Josh> Then I start noticing that whenever I enter said room, something sets off my sensitive allergies and sends me into a pleasant sneezing/coughing fit. I search the room as best I can for the source, but to no avail
<+Josh> Anywho, few more weeks pass as I learn to live with it, usually by scarfing numerous antihistamines whenever I go in.
<+Josh> Then one day I notice it.
<+Josh> There's shit GROWING on that lone, semen-stained stretch of carpet.
<+Josh> Initially this is subject to my amusement
<+Josh> I watch it for a few days, and hey, more and more fungi begin sprouting at an alarming rate.
<+Josh> This is when I inform #bored of the strange mushroom-like fungus propagating on my carpet, and its milky origins.
<+Josh> Many laughs are had, and a few loud vomets.
<+Josh> The matter passes, and shortly after when I go to move out, we notice something
<+Josh> And by 'we', I mean the landlord's guys
<+Josh> They discover that there is a horrendous case of mutant mildew (or so it was assumed) in the room.
<+Josh> This was no new to me, and I explain it had been there for a while, but am mum about its origins (later I tell them it was spilt milk).
<+Josh> The carpet in this area is completely destroyed by fungus.
<+Josh> So, the head super decides in his infinite wisdow to pull up the carpet, kill the fungus, then replace the damaged spot
<+Josh> So they pull up ALL the carpet in the room, only to discover..
<+Josh> IT IS EVERYWHERE
<+Josh> Yes, my friends, this mutant semen fungi had not only consumed its allotted square, but then it had gone and SPREAD UNDER THE CARPET
<+Josh> So strong was its roots, that it was learned that it had dug into the concreate
<+Josh> I repeat: the fungus had dug into the concreate
<+Josh> I later learned that that room had required signifigant renovation and fumigation
<+Josh> But, fuck, I didn't care, I had already moved.
<+Josh> So, to sum up
<+Josh> My semen caused what may have added up to thousands of dollars of damage to a room.
<+Josh> And I am also responsible for creating the most disgusting form of fungi ever.
<+Josh> In short: Clean up after yourselves, you lazy bitches.
<+Josh> Oh, and I didn't pay a cent towards the damages

-> join: (catbot) (c@tbot.is.hungry)
* catbot smells fishbot
* catbot pounces
-> kick: (fishbot) was kicked by (multiplay.uk.quakenet.org) (*bite* *munch* *munch*)
* catbot licks his chops

<ZoFreX> I'm actually considering fucking some fat chick I know
<ZoFreX> just cos she's up for it
<TheRandom> ZoFreX if you do
<TheRandom> i wont talk to you again
<ZoFreX> awesome.
<Ecom> hell for that, even I would do her
<FireFalcon> I'd fuck a fat chick if TR would commit suicide.
<FireFalcon> Hell, I'd fuck Zo if TR kills himself.
<ZoFreX> special 2 for 1 deal, I'd kill myself too

&#8212;&#8250; nick: (x10) is now known as (x10|supcom)
(Jenn) supcom?
(x10|supcom) supreme commander
(x10|supcom) huge rts
(Jenn) you dont have to address me like that
(Jenn) Jenn is fine
(Jenn) :x

(maRto) Carrots make you seen in the dark..
(maRto) Spinitch makes you strong and prone to smoking a pipe..
(maRto) and Sweetcorn you cant even digest!
(maRto) So whats the fucking point of Peas!?

(Jolene) http://www.clairedanes.com/photos/life11.jpg [picture of hot red head]
(maRto) :|
(maRto) please stop
(maRto) im only wearing my boxers..
(Jolene) o:
(maRto) Jolene i think i need a tissue
* Jolene cooks maRto a nice trout
(Jolene) oooh wrong one
(maRto) lol
(Jolene) something smells fishy
(maRto) sorry, thats my foreskin
(Jolene) eww
(Jolene) dirty
(maRto) since me and lady went downward i figured id not need to wash
(Jolene) jenn! tell him off :(
* Jolene gets out the scissors
(Jolene) that'll trouble you no longer sonny
(Jolene) snipsnip!
(ReichSteadyCrew) thats a lovely image maRto
(maRto) which? of my foreskin in your head or the red head?
(ReichSteadyCrew) foreskin
(maRto) aah

[22:10] dogface: chilli con crane barms and stella mmmmmmmmm
[22:10] dogface: justy need somebody to sit on my face now
[22:10] dogface: pref female :)
[22:10] wooly: LOL

[@Aphid] i think people totally underestimate human senses
[@Aphid] irritability can make you hear and smell things for longer and from larger distances you ever imagined
[Deckard] my senses should be superhuman in that regard
[@Aphid] its not fun, it makes you wanna vomit and noise and crowds annoys you
[@Aphid] annoy*
[Deckard] sounds like #feds
[liberator] lol

[@Becci] some ppl are real idiots
[@shadow] no way?
[tknchris_] ?
[tknchris_] orly
[@shadow] is this the first time you figure that out?

Just so you know, this guy was in #clanbase.pes asking for a PES6 2v2 match so i pm'ed him.

<Korizin> whats your team name
<Korizin> still want 2v2?
<SPOTI> ok
<SPOTI> your clanname?
<SPOTI> your clanname?
<Korizin> whats your clan name
<SPOTI> your clanname?!!!!!!!!!
<Korizin> i asked you first
<Korizin> [20:46] <Korizin> whats your team name
<SPOTI> ok FUCK YOU PLEASE!?
<SPOTI> FUCKING FAY
<SPOTI> GAY
<SPOTI> ASSHOLE
<Korizin> hahahaha
<SPOTI> GET CANCER!!
<SPOTI> GET CANCER!!
<Korizin> you wont be getting my team name now you idiot :)
<Korizin> shame
<Korizin> would have enjoyed beating you
<SPOTI> FUCK U;)
<SPOTI> u would never beat us
<Korizin> course not
<SPOTI> we own faggots like u
<Korizin> yep ;)
<Korizin> isnt it past your bed time
<SPOTI> go catch some aids
<Korizin> you wont get many 2v2 games being a knob end
<SPOTI> fuck off and die of aids
<Korizin> ahahahahaha
<Korizin> your like 12 yeh?
<SPOTI> im 19 actually
<SPOTI> but i still wish you will get aids for christmas time
<Korizin> cant you pass me it before then?
<SPOTI> christmas is better
<SPOTI> so u will have a fucked up christmastime
<Korizin> do your parents bring you much in the childrens home?
<Korizin> or do they pretend they dont know you?
<Korizin> i would take the 2nd option.
<SPOTI> you dont even know them
<SPOTI> so go put ur finger in ur ass
<Korizin> nah, i'd enjoy that

[@Liberator] hard to get, as the software i need, has limits of 5mb transfer
[+Davo`] just fucking do it
[@Liberator] i'm going, i'm going.
[+Davo`] i'm coming
[@Liberator] it's coming in very sloowly
[+Davo`] slow and soft is the way forward
[+Davo`] until i start pounding that ass like sweetcorn
[@Liberator] rofl

[Liberator] i have to say, nn 3.81 is much better than 4.x
[+dynamite] agreed
[Liberator] i just found my old install of it on a cd. by acciden't. and i feel like i have my life back.

[Deviant`] oh my, im such an idiot
[Deviant`] i thought i saw something in the corner or my eye, and as i sort of turned my head i thought it was a GIANT SPIDER on the ceiling above me
[Deviant`] so i sort of flinched and moved to the side but I fell off my chair and spilling my coke over me at the same time
[Deviant`] so im lay there on the floor looking up at the ceiling, and this giant spider turns out to be the christmas decorations i put up yesterday
[Deviant`] i hate christmas

<@babyharpseal> we need a stupidity tax.
<@Blood_God> We have one.
<@Blood_God> It's called the lottery.

<Rizzy> da,mnmm
<Rizzy> !
<Rizzy> I@,m a t af pissed
<Rizzy> oh lol my type suc!
<Rizzy> :9
<Rizzy> L*(
<Rizzy> :(
<Rizzy> nobodity are alibgev?
<Rizzy> aliberv?
<Rizzy> ALIEV
<Rizzy> fs
<Rizzy> ALIVE
<Rizzy> happty cvhristiomas all@:D:D:D:D

<@TheDarkOne> vat is the same everywhere
< Marik> I dunno
< Marik> seems a lot more on OCUK :/
<@TheDarkOne> its 17.5%
<@Ventral> indeed
< Marik> :(

<qui> i-rox is back :D
<qui> get posting!
<Marik> no!
<Marik> im good at the internet now!

<fabz> I think we need to work on our communication.. one guy is talking crap, one just goes "lol" and the other one doesn't understand what's going on
<atsleek> lol
<Nefemus> what?

<xterm> The problem with America is stupidity. I'm not saying there should be a capital punishment for stupidity, but why don't we just take the safety labels off of everything and let the problem solve itself?

<@Ventral> Marik, you need to learn how to figure out stuff yourself..
<Marik> how do i do that?

<General_Flaw> I return with new glasses.
<General_Flaw> And a fishing license.
<Sim9> General Flaw has a license to FISH! <cue James Bond music>
<General_Flaw> XD
<General_Flaw> I'm a bassassin.

[05:55] <Travis> It always seemed to me that, beyond a few simple base commands, most "features" of IRC are entirely client-dependent.
[05:56] <rm_you> It always seemed to me that, beyond a few simple base commands, most "features" of your mom are entirely client-dependent.
[05:56] <Travis> She has no features worth considering.

* Joins: ophiuchus (~ophiuchus@host217-44-6-247.range217-44.btcentralplus.com)
* Q sets mode: +o ophiuchus
<Sierro> ophiuchus \o/
<jimbobaggies> smells
<ReichSteadyCrew> like
<Jolene> poo
<ReichSteadyCrew> and
<Jolene> rice krispies
<Sierro> rice krispies
<Jolene> no
<ReichSteadyCrew> awesome
<Sierro> omg
<Jolene> no
<Jolene> NO
<Sierro> wtf
<Jolene> noooo
<Jolene> :<

(19:08:01) (Marik) Boner? what the hell is a boner

<Sierro> ok so it appears i managed to delete recycle bin, how do i get it back
<Pi|Mu|Rho> fdisk
<Sierro> incorrect
<Sierro> it is control panel > personalisation > change desktop icons
<Pi|Mu|Rho> fdisk would also work

<Marik_> hmm
<Marik_> should I try removing my ignition on my own? or wait for step dad
<Kwee> does the car have an airbag?
<Marik_> all you hve to do it turn key to number 2 and press on the hole and it should pop out
<Marik_> yes :P
<Kwee> if so, make sure you tamper with the trigger so that it blows your head off
<Blood_God> Heh.
<Marik_> Love you hunny
<Marik_> wil go attempt it

(JeremyBeadle) where do you live?
(Pi|Mu|Rho) Me? Preston. I'm waiting for your arrival.
(Pi|Mu|Rho) I'm amused by the fact that you're so fucking dim-witted that you have to ask your potential victim where they live.
(Pi|Mu|Rho) because you are SUCH a stupid cunt.
(JeremyBeadle) You'll regret telling me that
(Heartwork) He's going to go round EVERY HOUSE IN PRESTON
(Pi|Mu|Rho) haha
(Heartwork) til he finds you!
(Pi|Mu|Rho) yeah
(Pi|Mu|Rho) heard it all before
(Pi|Mu|Rho) "I'll choose my time"
(JeremyBeadle) prestons a small place, if i have to cut 1000 faces, i'll fucking do it
(Inertia|) CUT ME BIG BOY
(Marik) rofll!!!!
(JeremyBeadle) Marik you're starting to piss me off
(Marik) Don't hurt me :(
(JeremyBeadle) i suggest you sign off NOW
(Inertia|) lol
(Brocken`) omg
(JeremyBeadle) don't think I cant find out where you live
(JeremyBeadle) ive already found out Pi|Mu|Rho's address
(Brocken`) lol
(JeremyBeadle) and i can do the same to you
(Heartwork) Go on then JeremyBeadle, what is it?
(DJCarlos) lol
(JeremyBeadle) so back the fuck off
(JeremyBeadle) he told me, its preston
(Brocken`) Hi, where is " Pi|Mu|Rho, Preston." ?
(Heartwork) JeremyBeadle - Preston is a town, not an address.
(BlackIsle|W0rk) fuck me, some serious detective work there JeremyBeadle
(Marik) rofl
(JeremyBeadle) there cant be many people with that name in preston
(JeremyBeadle) ever heard of a phone book?
(Marik) ROFL!
(DJCarlos) lol
(Photon) which name, Pi or Rho?
(Heartwork) I doubt there's anyone in Preston called Pi Mu Rho.
(DJCarlos) fuck me
(DJCarlos) what a twat

-> part: (JeremyBeadle) (Tony-@82-46-173-46.stb.ubr01.king.blueyonder.co.uk)
** PRIV MSG **
(Pi|Mu|Rho) (Pi|Mu|Rho): Why's that, Tony?
(Pi|Mu|Rho) (JeremyBeadle): how do you know my name?

<The fool on the hill> are you threatening me?
<Pi|Mu|Rho> Yes, you stupid, stupid, thick, utterly retarded stupid shitstain of a total wankface. I hope you die, face down in a pool of your own mixed bodily leakage after having been liberally, frequently and unlubricatedly anally abused with the business end of several golf clubs.

(Pi|Mu|Rho): hi hun
(JeremyBeadle): hiya
(Pi|Mu|Rho): why'd you leave? We were having such fun
(JeremyBeadle): keep laughing son
(Pi|Mu|Rho): oh, I am
(JeremyBeadle): good
(Pi|Mu|Rho): I haven't encountered anyone as fundamentally brainless as you in a long time.
(JeremyBeadle): you might want to step back and look at the man in the mirror
(Pi|Mu|Rho): Why's that, Tony?
(JeremyBeadle): how do you know my name?
(Pi|Mu|Rho): Ways and means
(JeremyBeadle): i dont care anyway, i'll be sure you tell you my full name
when i cut you
(Pi|Mu|Rho): I can't wait.
(JeremyBeadle): good
(Pi|Mu|Rho): Tonight good for you?
(Pi|Mu|Rho): I'm kind of busy tomorrow
(JeremyBeadle): Im fucking my bitch tonight
(Pi|Mu|Rho): ah yes, how is your mother?
(JeremyBeadle): I dont know
(JeremyBeadle): i havent seen her in a long time
(Pi|Mu|Rho): Can't say I'm surprised
(Pi|Mu|Rho): Oh, come on. You can't be giving up already?
(Pi|Mu|Rho): No witty riposte?
(JeremyBeadle): I think we both know that talking time is over
(Pi|Mu|Rho): oh, of course.
(JeremyBeadle): actions speak louder than words
(Pi|Mu|Rho): Now is the time for ACTION!
(Pi|Mu|Rho): Well, me and my face are waiting.
(JeremyBeadle): okay
(Pi|Mu|Rho): Are you bringing your "people"?
(JeremyBeadle): my people will be with me regardless
(Pi|Mu|Rho): Excellent. I'll prepare some tea and biscuits. Or would you
rather I just broke out the crack instead?
(JeremyBeadle): FUCK YOU YOU FUCKING BITCH ASS FAGGOT
(JeremyBeadle): IM NO FUCKING SMACKHEAD
(Pi|Mu|Rho): I said crack, not smack.
(Pi|Mu|Rho): Deary me, your reading comprehension really needs work.
(JeremyBeadle): your house is going UP IN FLAMES
(Pi|Mu|Rho): yay!
(Pi|Mu|Rho): cut my face off and burn down my house! Fantastic.
(JeremyBeadle): im done talkig
(Pi|Mu|Rho): I do live next door to a fire station, though, so you'll have to
work quickly
(Pi|Mu|Rho): What kind of biscuits would you prefer, by the way?
(Pi|Mu|Rho): <3