<flame> hmm when you have dialup, u download jpegs to wank over. when you have broadband you download mpegs to wank over... when you have 100mbit, u download DVD rips of pr0n films to wank over
<riski> when you have 14.4 you get laid irl.

<Jinxed> [N] Cannot join channel #vagina (Invite only)
<Kreegle> story of your life eh Jinxed?

<TRiP]> so you got a bf?
<wersa666> yeah, you have a gf?
<TRiP]> nope.. still stuck with this crappy TNT2.. i’m planning on buying a GF3 next week though
<wersa666> ok...

<flossie> (to girl) you are surrounded by all these me who have....no idea how to please you!
<flossie> men, not me!
<flossie> owned by typo :(

<+Intron> i really hate the pub some times i come out smelling of fags
<+Intron> its horible
<+Cam|> shouldnt let gay men cum on you then

join | [xL]cl0ne | (~Cloneman@www2-quakenet.blueyonder.co.uk)
<[xL]cl0ne> Hi
<[xL]cl0ne> I need help please
<[xL]cl0ne> hello ??
<nameinuse> ’lo
<nameinuse> what’s the problem?
<[xL]cl0ne> I killed someone
<phantom> ... :o
<[xL]cl0ne> How can I dispose of the body please??
<phantom> !
<nameinuse> nitric acid
<BlindSite> backgarden
<[xL]cl0ne> Thanks
signoff | [xL]cl0ne | (Browser connection closed)

<olah> what does ’dunno’ mean?
<goof> i don’t know
<olah> anyone else?
<goof> i said i don’t know
<olah> yeah, i saw...but does anyone else know what it means?
<goof> I DON’T KNOW !!
<olah> yeah, i know
<goof> then why do you ask?!
<olah> because i want to know!
<goof> you said you DID know!
<olah> no, i know that you don’t know
<goof> i KNOW WHAT IT MEANS, ffs!
<olah> what, then?
<goof> i don’t know
<olah> omg...DO you or DON’T you know?!
<goof> i means: I DON’T KNOW !!
<goof> aargh...stupid...

<onions> which one of you bastards told me to take a chance with the chicken? :(
<Nor-> wasnt me, why what happebed
<onions> i just spewed up half the contents of my stomach, at the same time as shitting the rest of it out. i then proceeded to use a deodorant cap to move a good 1.5 litres of sick from the sink to the toilet. D:

UPDATE : ( said a week later in the early hours of the morning while everyones talking of food )

<onions> i have a couple of tesco microwaveably thingies, but they say defrost for 12 hours minimum on them all :(
<phantom> onions, chicken sir? :)
<onions> AND WE WOULDNT WANT TO EAT ONE WITHOUT DEFROSTING PROPERLY WOULD WE PHANTOM!
<D33> lmao

<StarMonkey> YOU INSULT MY FAMILY!?!"
<acl> huh?
<Twinsen> not very tall, acl ?
<acl> what?
<Twinsen> well it’s just StarMonkey’s quip went right over your head
<StarMonkey> lol
<GH|HotSoup> :}
<acl> :(

<Paul_> i was rubbing one out to this vid, girl stradling a bloke, bouncing away back to the camera happily taking the full length up her zx spectrum. all of a sudden she lifts off, he pulls out and fires off a few rounds right up her back, inpressive clustering. I finish up - managing to timne it to within 1/2 seconds of the money shot, Ron Jeremy style - a true professional. Then, at the very end, completely unexpected.. ’she stands up’
<Paul_> and it is quite clearly a fella :|
<Paul_> i was horrified.
<Paul_> the pyschological implications....

<Spazz> Seems like when I say "FUCK" you get an EOF error :o
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au) (Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Bartolimis> fuck
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au) (Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Bartolimis> fuck
<Spazz> fuck
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au) (Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Spazz> fuck
<Bartolimis> stop
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au) (Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Bartolimis> we’re done >:)
<Ranto> hmh?
<Spazz> Your client got an error...
<Bartolimis> yeah, we’re done saying fuck
<Spazz> everytime we said f***
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au) (Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Spazz> Quit saying fukc
<Bartolimis> my bad
<Spazz> fuck*
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au) (Read error: EOF from client)
*** Joins: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au)
<Icc> Someone says fuck and he drops ?
*** Quits: Ranto (~recon@newax2-042.dialup.optusnet.com.au) (Read error: EOF from client)

<Hiroe> he was dressed as a big fuckin devil
<Hiroe> like, HUGE costume
<Hiroe> 8-foot lizard wings, giant horns on the head
<Hiroe> at some anime con in california
<Hiroe> they were double booked with a southern Baptist group in the same hotel
<Hiroe> he’s riding the elevator down to the con space
<Hiroe> doors open, little old baptist woman standing there
<Hiroe> he just says "Going Down" in his best evil voice

<AgentSmith> It seems you have been leading two lives, Mr. Anderson. In one life, you are Robert Anderson, assistant cook at a Jack in the Box in Mesquite....in the other...you go by the chat alias "Randerson"...spreading homosexual propoganda, lying, and being a generally immature pest...
<AgentSmith> One of these...has a future.
<Randerson> LMAO OMFG where’s the phone, I have to tell Dean about this
<AgentSmith> How can you use the phone when you cannot...speak?
*** AgentSmith sets mode: +m

<calin> we had a guy at school that wore black lipstick.. and was all gothy.. and then one day we caught him buying an assvibrator
<ecoli> ew.
<ecoli> wait, you "caught" him?
<ecoli> like, you were behind him in line at the assvibrator store?
<Aero> he doesnt answer
*** Quits: calin (No route to host)

<Donut[AFK]> HEY EURAKARTE
<Donut[AFK]> INSULT
<Eurakarte> RETORT
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-RETORT
<Eurakarte> QUESTIONING OF SEXUAL PREFERENCE
<Donut[AFK]> SUGGESTION TO SHUT THE FUCK UP
<Eurakarte> NOTATION THAT YOU CREATE A VACUUM
<Donut[AFK]> RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> ADDON RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> COUNTER-RIPOSTE
<Donut[AFK]> COUNTER-COUNTER RIPOSTE
<Eurakarte> NONSENSICAL STATEMENT INVOLVING PLANKTON
<Miles_Prower> RESPONSE TO RANDOM STATEMENT AND THREAT TO BAN OPPOSING SIDES
<Eurakarte> WORDS OF PRAISE FOR FISHFOOD
<Miles_Prower> ACKNOWLEDGEMENT AND ACCEPTENCE OF TERMS

<tatclass> YOU ALL SUCK DICK
<tatclass> er.
<tatclass> hi.
<andy\code> A common typo.
<tatclass> the keys are like right next to each other.

<morientes> some fucker just played a trick on me.. i was sitting in the couch.. well all
of a sudden my jocks feel like their going up my ass crack... i try to pull out the wedge..
most pain i’ve ever felt... someone put chewy in my jocks and my ass hairs are all stuck
together.. stuck to my jocks.. i dont fucking believe this shit

<Heartwork> oh my god have you had that new fucking wee sheet breath freshening shit?
<D33> heh
<D33> spot the scottish gamer
<Heartwork> me and kaja?
<KajA-SiniS> lol
<Heartwork> its the word ’wee’ isnt it :p
<D33> "new fucking wee sheet breath freshening shit"
<Heartwork> lol
<D33> that stuff only comes from the mind of a scotsman

<@velvet> well radio four called them ’light tanks’ on the news earlier
<D33> Some DJ has been playing too much Red Alert
<Melleh> lol
<Red7> right, its a Combat vehicle Reconnaissance, NOT a tank
<Nor> its got a big barrel on it red
<Pi|Mu|Rho> IT LOOKS LIKE A BLOODY TANK, OK?
<@velvet> indeed
<Pi|Mu|Rho> the general public would call it a tank
<Pi|Mu|Rho> therefore, it’s a fecking tank
<Melleh> lol
<Drkwoman> go Pie :P
<@velvet> i don’t care if they stick an ice cream cone on the top and have it play a jingle, it is still a tank

<@velvet> someone wearing a saddam mask will probably let off a small bomb at heathrow
<@velvet> not that im cynical
<@velvet> oh, i am
<Nor> :)
<Pi|Mu|Rho> I always had you down as an optimist velvet.
<Pi|Mu|Rho> you worked for Wireplay, after all

** Bad-Co has just had a tooth removed,
<@Bad-Co> please conside this when making Bad-Co laugh, as he spits blood on the monitor
<@Reality-> :E
<@Reality-> or should it be :C now?
<@Bad-Co> lol
<@Bad-Co> more like :F
<@Reality-> coud be worse
<@Reality-> :|

<Melleh> A cat’s urine glows under a black light.
<Melleh> ;o
<D33> well that’s the next generation of club face paint then.
<Kahuna> lol
<Melleh> lol
<Kahuna> bet the dumbasses that go to clubs will pay ?25 to be pissed on by a cat
<Kahuna> I’ll do it for free if they like

<Nor> think our bot isnt well (@ooh): ERROR (score: 2002:) is on Can’t (connect:to) (!got local).
<Utumno> VelvCode strikes ! =)
<Miserygut> I my bot got the AZN virus (@Yo): Got rice? Got rice bitch, got rice?

<ckx> women ask for it
<ckx> they act all old and mature
<ckx> and then you stick your cock up their ass
<ckx> and they get all bitchy
<ckx> "I"M ONLY 13, I’M ONLY 13!!!"

<@][nfern0> FFS
<@][nfern0> how come i move away from home
<@][nfern0> and i get to cook :/
<eo][heartwork> lol
<@][nfern0> Surely Nikki should do that ?
<@][nfern0> and I not a real man
<@][nfern0> as i have to cook :(
<Darksaber> why should she have to cook?
<@][nfern0> Because I sex0r her :/

<+pureperversions> u want to find sex goto msn gameing zones rooms
<+pureperversions> the teen checkers rooms on the msn zone are the worst
<+Bad-Co> you used to play checkers on MSN ?
<+Bad-Co> I used to be undefeated on Checkers..
<+Bad-Co> I used to start a game.. then when they asked A/S/L, I used to say 86/m/NYC...then they used to leave and default the game
<+Bad-Co> never lost a game..
<+Briggers> you liar Bad-Co
<+Briggers> you dont live in nyc :P

<Intron> well im feeling 100% icky
<Intron> slashed my face shaveing didnt notice it for ages cos i had my eyes closed in the shower
<Intron> coverd in blood when i realised it got out semi stoped it but then felt light headed and fell over ;(
<Intron> + got a cold ;(
<flossie> good, our telepathetic powers are working then

<D33> oh
<D33> fucking hilarious thing
<Mmw> :D
<D33> sec
<D33> laughing just thinking about it
<D33> aah
<D33> Right
<D33> it’s pouring down around here
<D33> anyway
<D33> we’re all slowling walking back in the harsh rain
<D33> and all of sudden
<D33> running the other way
<D33> is a guy dressed like batman from the old tv shows
<Mmw> LOL
<D33> and about 40 people all stopped walking
<D33> and went
<D33> "nanananananana"
<D33> wish I had a camcorder
<Mmw> rofl

<+Bad-Co> If you get married you dream about other women.................. who don’t nag, but do give blow jobs
<+[NZ]Rubberducky> they dont exist
<+[NZ]Rubberducky> but its nice to dream

<Amorrer> D33 u there m8
<Amorrer> do u know when Inferno is coming
<D33> due to the fact he’s living with his girlfriend of 9 months i’d say twice a night
<D33> but why ask such a personal question ?

<D33> well
<D33> it’s quite nice outside
<Mmw> quite isnt the word :(
<D33> infact it’s warm seeing as it’s 4am
<Mmw> :o
<D33> my shoes were locked in the fuxing porch ( can’t get to it without waking everyone up ) so not only did I have to sneak out through my window but had to walk in my socks to post two fuxing letters
<phantom> and you didnt go earlier because... ?
<D33> i didn’t have an address i needed
<Mmw> lollllllllllllllllll
<Mmw> why not do it in the morning :)
<D33> won’t wake up
<Mmw> hehe
<D33> alas it’s done now
<D33> and i guess i provided cheep entertainment for any night crawlers watching the streets..
<Mmw> :D
<D33> it’s not every day you see a 6’8 fat bastard climbing in and out of windows at 4am, walking up and down the street wearing hardly anything and no shoes muttering to himself about how nice the tempature is.
<Mmw> rofl
<StarMonkey> lol D33

<Spuddeh> back :|
<Spuddeh> the outcome: adjourned till the 24th of feb where there’ll be a trial
** Spuddeh sighs
<Spuddeh> the courts certainly have a way of making people feel very small indeed
<D33> ?
<Spuddeh> i’m going to court for undue care and attention
<Spuddeh> sorry, ’driving without due care and attention’
<Spuddeh> i pled not guilty, so they’re leaving it till the 24th
<D33> what happened ?
<Spuddeh> had a car crash a few months ago
<Spuddeh> pishing down with rain
<D33> ;o
<Spuddeh> braked, skidded, braked repeatedly, but there was zero control response.
<D33> :/
<Spuddeh> mmm, at least i can keep my license for another few months before they start dishing out the punishment
<Spuddeh> because htey’re bound to find something to punish me for
<Pi|Mu|Rho> I think it’s unlikely that they’ll take your license
<Pi|Mu|Rho> it’ll probably just be points+fine
<Spuddeh> well, the punishment is between 3 and 9 points, and a fine
<Spuddeh> and i’d only passed my driving test a few months before the accident
<D33> erk
<D33> six point limit
<Spuddeh> yep
<Spuddeh> :|
<D33> When I buy a car i’m going to have a trout inside a bucket of water in the boot at all times. Then if someone ever smashes into me I’ll get out of the car, grab the trout and beat them with it. I may get fined loads for my actions but it’ll be well worth it when "the victim of the crash then got out of his car and constantly slapped the other driver with a wet trout" is read out in court.
<Spuddeh> rofl
<Kamistai> lol
<Spuddeh> thats too good
<Spuddeh> :)
<Pi|Mu|Rho> heh, that’s tabloid-worthy

<Intron> rahh i was right
<StarMonkey> no you werent
<Intron> gold Prices hit a 6 year high woot
<StarMonkey> you were right in saying ’gold is worth money’?
<StarMonkey> pld
<StarMonkey> how can i let you stay here when there are still unsolved mysteries in the world, GO, GO NOW
<Intron> No i was right saying Gold is a good investment a few weeks ago due to the current world state
<phantom> lol
<Intron> FAOD!
<StarMonkey> lol

<StarMonkey> phantom gimme your phone number
<phantom> in a bit... busy atm...
<EvilGrin|Drunk> StarMonkey
<EvilGrin|Drunk> you can have mine :E
<StarMonkey> ok
<EvilGrin|Drunk> :O
<EvilGrin|Drunk> ***** ******
** D33 rings
<EvilGrin|Drunk> lies
<EvilGrin|Drunk> my phone doesn’t appear to be vibrating accross the desk
<D33> is now
<D33> :E
** StarMonkey rings D33
<D33> ;(
<EvilGrin|Drunk> ook
<D33> :o
<EvilGrin|Drunk> my phone just commited sucide
<D33> \o/
** EvilGrin|Drunk locates phone in bin
<D33> i rang it off the desk \o/
<EvilGrin|Drunk> skillz
<D33> that takes skillz people

<velvet> D33.... "Apart from that.. yea, it’s growing on me"
** velvet gasps
<D33> don’t blame me that you picked a bunch of cynical bastards who hate change for senior officials ;(
<SysAgent|w0rK> LOL

<SysAgent|w0rK> babyharpseal do u posses a Kilt ?
<@babyharpseal> I do, my clans tartan
<SysAgent|w0rK> do u do it properly when U wear it
<SysAgent|w0rK> No Grunts . . .
<@babyharpseal> there s’posed to instill fear into your enemy

<D33> StarMonkey
<StarMonkey> D33
<D33> To the right of your pc case
<D33> are bear bottles
<D33> send them to me
<D33> ;(
<StarMonkey> D33
<StarMonkey> how the fuck did you know that
<D33> :|
<D33> i know everything
<D33> everyone knows that
<T0rNaDo> ha><or
** StarMonkey gets freaked out
** StarMonkey puts willy away
<T0rNaDo> *Laughs*

A couple of minutes later..

<D33> lol, made me laugh quite badly then
<D33> StarMonkey
<StarMonkey> D33
<D33> the picture you posted on the guitar board
<D33> is the answer to your question
<D33> :>
<StarMonkey> aah
<StarMonkey> ooh, you can see my bubblejet!
<D33> 0_o

<Steelo> fs
<Steelo> whats that command to clear all the ignores
<Steelo> cuz someone is being ignored
<Steelo> and they are not even on my ignore list
<Yoshimo> /mode Steelo +d
<Steelo> ta
<Steelo> @|
<Yoshimo> he did NOT just do that
<Yoshimo> Steelo
<Yoshimo> oh dear
<Yoshimo> he’s deafened himself
<Yoshimo> oops!

<MD87> any1 know a good cheap shell provider?
<phantom> eggs.
<MD87> eggs?
* GH|Scouse groans
<phantom> yes
<MD87> omg
* MD87 slaps phantom
<MD87> soo lame but it took me so long to get it :/
<nameinuse> that must be contender for the worst pun of the day

<@Razz> Me and some friends where all getting ready to beat some people up (for some reason) and I couldn’t find my black gloves.. went upstairs to find them and there was like kids all over the house playing on a lan with cats sleeping everywhere.. The cats kept attacking me and I kept having to pick them up and give them back to the kids.... aaaaanyways, found my gloves - they were a bit chewed - and off we went..
<@Razz> then we were at this really old ruin
<@Razz> and I kept thinking that this huuuuuuuge sort of extra large table that we were under was going to collapse and fall on me
<@Razz> then a police car came along and arrested us for looking dodgy :{
<@Razz> That’s all I can remember :}

<@][cEMAN> who’s playing tonight v AO?
<@SirBadger> me
<@][cEMAN> who are you?
<@StarMonkey> its SirBadger
<@][cEMAN> And he would be?
<@StarMonkey> him
** StarMonkey points at SirBadger
<@SirBadger> :D
<@SirBadger> Im me
** nickchange(#4Jedi) [(SirBadger) ?-? (Badger)] |||
<@][cEMAN> and me would be?
<@Badger> Badger
<@Badger> lol
<@][cEMAN> so yer not renoun for your intellect then
<@Badger> pfft
<Badger> Im D33’s bitch
<@][cEMAN> define you ie. real name / possible other nicks used on public servers / status in 4J
<@Badger> Badger / Badger / None

<@esr|Morbz> in UT u can specify the window size :/
<scoop`> fuck ut
<[dave]> ut sucks
<D33> but UT sucks
<AE_yaku> rofl
<AE_yaku> q3 sux
<AE_yaku> ut own
<D33> q3 and ut sux
<@esr|Morbz> q3 is pure, q3 osp / cpm isnt pure :P
<D33> pure
<D33> sucks so much
<D33> ;(
<@esr|Morbz> indeed
<AE_yaku> q3 just sux
<@melachizZzz> im downloading fifa 2003 atm
<D33> heh
<[dave]> fifa 0wns
<AE_yaku> ut ownz
<D33> an entire channel on Quakenet where people spend the wee hours of the morning saying "your game sux!" "NO, YOUR GAME SUX!" "I THINK NOT, YOUR GAME SUX"
<D33> I’ve found heaven
<Thurrabred> heaven sux

<D33> I took her to a supermarket, I dunno why but I had to start it somewhere.... so it started... there.
<D33> I said pretend you got no money... she just laughed and said "heh, your so funny" ... I said "yea"
<WildWayz> d33
<WildWayz> you are SO WEIRD
<D33> ;(
<WildWayz> please do NOT breed
<D33> I already have
<D33> but it ran back into a field and got mixed up with all the others
<D33> but out there... SOMEWHERE are little sheep with my face on em
<D33> \\o
<D33> o//
<Flossie> ugh
<D33> \o/
<Flossie> you mean...I could be D33’s love child?
** Flossie screams

join | T0rNaDo | (~tornado@kingpin.gaming.blueyonder.co.uk)
mode | (+v T0rNaDo) | by | oof
<T0rNaDo> ?Thanks oof?
<babyharpseal> T0rNaDo- turn that script off!!! ;)
<D33> one day
<D33> I’m going to change my name to
<D33> for_the_gay_sex
<D33> and op you, T0rNaDo
<babyharpseal> lol D33
<T0rNaDo> wot script ?
<babyharpseal> <T0rNaDo> ?Thanks oof?
<T0rNaDo> aint got a clue m8 it part of invision 2.0
<Darksaber> do it D33
<Darksaber> do it now :p
nickchange [<D33> ?-? (for_the_handjob)] |||
<for_the_handjob> babyharpseal
<for_the_handjob> op me
<for_the_handjob> !
<for_the_handjob> :(
<Darksaber> op for_the_handjob
mode | (+o for_the_handjob) | by | yee
mode | (+o T0rNaDo) | by | for_the_handjob
<T0rNaDo> ?Thanks for_the_handjob?
<for_the_handjob> \o/
<Darksaber> classic
<@T0rNaDo> lolol
<babyharpseal> lol!!
<babyharpseal> pld
<for_the_handjob> :)
<StarMonkey> lol
<Cable_Nut> lol

<Liam_> you realise by coming here on a regular occasion you will be scared mentally for life :/
<D33> Liam_ - I’m already scared for life.... fkin hoover wouldn’t let go and I tried turning it off.. OH GOD DID I TRY! ... by the time I pulled the plug out of the socket the damage was done... the suction was too great.... but enough of that... i’ve passed that point in my life.. i’ve moved on
<D33> :(
<Liam_> lolol
<Stumpeh> rofl
<Lubey> lol

<@Dilberto> w = forward shift = crouch space = jump for my LJs ;-(
<@Dilberto> makes my hand ache after 2 maps, and thats very nice of u to say troj
<@Troj> ;)
<D33> fs
<D33> such timing
<D33> I flick into #ja, totally ignorent of the conversation
<D33> and read
<D33> <@Dilberto> makes my hand ache after 2 maps, and thats very nice of u to say troj
<@Troj> lol
<MORT|brb> LOLOL
<D33> and get a 0.7 second flash of something horrific in my mind before I read up the screen

<Pi|Mu|Rho> I had 13 minors on my test
<Pi|Mu|Rho> but I got banned 9 days after it anyway
<D33> lol
<D33> for?
<Pi|Mu|Rho> crashing about 12 pints of stella while under the influence of a vauxhall nova.

<SysAgent|w0rK> Someone Kick stikky there for me to wake him up :E
<Kick> you lazy basard
<Kick> you tabbed K so you didnt have to type kick
<Kick> lazy git
<SysAgent|w0rK> LoL
<Kick> people like you make me SICK IN THE HEAD

<@Jenkski> hehe, number one FAQ entry in AOL help is:
<@Jenkski> We’re sorry to hear that you’re considering cancelling your AOL membership. Before you go any further, here are some reminders of the exclusive benefits you can avail of as an AOL member:

<Red7> they’re enforcing all of the old Islamic laws again, like having your hands cut of if you nick something
<fox_mulder> wot if u get caught 3 times?
<Pod> religion shouldnt control contries
<Pod> erm
<Pod> how do you steal the 2nd time?
<Pod> with no hands?
<Pi|Mu|Rho> use a bag
<fox_mulder> yeh
<Pod> Pi|Mu|Rho, how do you hold the bag? :D
<fox_mulder> in yer teeth
<Pi|Mu|Rho> round your neck
<fox_mulder> or get the monkey to steal 4 u
<Pod> Pi|Mu|Rho,, how do you get it round your neck?
<Pod> + i think the local merchants would be weary of a no handed bloke wiht a bad round his neck trying to scrape some goods into sed bag with his nose