(Jolene) whats orange and thick?
(Sierro) onions
(ProfLiebstrom) onions
(Ripley8) onions?

(Beastmonkey) Marik please dont act ignorant
(Marik) what?
(CrazyHarij) He's like that all the time :-/
(Marik) Like what?
(CrazyHarij) ignorant
(Marik) how am i being ignorant?
(CrazyHarij) ...

[Beastmonkey]: Mitoboy I really suggest getting XP or at least 98..
[Zmur]: or 3.11
[bull_Oo_17]: lemme guess he uses Win ME?

<_dk-> I just grabbed a couple pretzels and sat down at the computer... I bit in to one and realized that not only was it stale, but I wasn't really all that hungry to begin with. But I was too lazy to get up and toss them in the trash, so I ate them anyway... I wonder just how many of the Seven Deadly Sins that qualifies me for...

<k-rad-bob> i made an avi of me jacking off
<k-rad-bob> then i jacked off while watching it
* linKnee is afk: PUKING

<Mario> were is evesyone?
<penfold> in graamer school
<penfold> grammar*
<penfold> damnit, it backfired :\

<mefod> WHY DOESNT ANYONE BELIEVE ME?! IM IN IRAQ DAMNIT!
<mefod> ooh shit
<mefod> afk, war

<@qui> sigh :(
<@qui> my mother just asked me to rewind a dvd for her :(

<res0> LapCat says elizabeth hurley has DSLs
<mattt> broadband?
<res0> dick sucking lips
<res0> she does have some nice lips, but reducing such an astoundingly attractive woman to a sexual object that any street slut could embody is something i'd never do.
<jotun> yeah, that's my job!
<res0> sucking dick?
<jotun> :<

{Marik} I'll go to a i event one day :D
{Bad-Co} tell me which one..
{Bad-Co} I'll sit next to you
{Marik} and ill stab you in the face.

<Gravi-T> lol, I got that spam-PM in Q-net again
<Gravi-T> <vsjkxmva> http://******.**.** The best Of TeenSex and ASIA Porno , NEGRO MOVIES , watch Click This Site HERE NOW - your cock will thank you
<Gravi-T> IT WILL THANK YOU!
<Fizza> wow
<Fizza> it can speak now
<Fizza> :P
<Gravi-T> what?
<Gravi-T> me?
<Fizza> no
<Fizza> I meant your cock :P

(@SidewinderX) this is wierd
(@SidewinderX) in this paper i'm writing, I have to be really racist.
(@SidewinderX) I guess this is what being republican feels like

<kgarp> does anyone know if fonts are visible in small sizes?
<?Desperado`> you gonna tattoo your wang?

*Nsaf hugs Jaxon
*Jaxon hugs Nsaf
::: Jaxon has quit: Killed (*.quakenet.org (You are violating QuakeNet rules. Please read http://www.quakenet.org/rules/. ID: 3289423))
<Imperial> and that, ladies and gentlemen, clearly shows what quakenet thinks of gay marriages

<@ComradeBadger> I FEEL PRETTY
<@Pi|Mu|Rho> you don't look it, assface.

(@Icarus) By the way, HotSoup`, I am became quite addicted to that album
(@HotSoup`) heh :)
(@Icarus) *I have become
(@TheDarkElf`) with a grasp of the english language like that, you could be president :)

(gimpchimp) heh, i've no problem with swallowing my own cum. you shouldn't expect a woman to down it if you're not willing to do it yourself.

<SmilinBob> !8ball... what's wrong with my e-mail?
<FarkStats> SmilinBob: Ask again later.
<SmilinBob> !8ball what's wrong with my e-mail?
<FarkStats> SmilinBob: Outlook not so good.

(ComradeBadger) and the head of sixth form walked in to me dressed like a 'pretty woman' and wanking

<+ACEMonkey> okay, gotta stop looking at porn for a while now
<+ACEMonkey> must meet some women without having thoughts about what they look like with no clothes on...

<seaner> Three pregnant women are sitting, chatting and knitting jumpers for their expected kids. The first one says "I hope that I have a baby boy, because I'm knitting a blue jumper." The second says "I hope that I have a girl because I'm knitting a pink jumper." The third woman says "I hope my kid is a spastic, because I've fucked up the arms!"

** Caullous (***@*******.com) Quit (Exit: whats the difference between a pube and parsley? nothing you push both aside and keep eating)

<+Chris_D> My middle name is Raynor :o
<lePobz> whats ur first name, Come? last name Shine

<@[Matt]> hmm... today I had a guy bring back an unopened game box of the sims 2. he said he bought it for his girlfriend as a present but then found out she warezd it from the internet :|

(KillahSin-[CE]) and south beach is supposed to be the spawn point of hot college chicks
(@Spudman) lets go spawn camp

(Oddslob) drinking milk from the bottle is kinda like anal sex
(Oddslob) it's messy and unhygeinic
(Oddslob) but it feels so good

(HouD) So there's this girl right....
(Hellspawn-) right
(HouD) She has, like, hair and everything.
(HouD) I'm soooo totally aware of her existance.
(HouD) It's like it was meant to be.
(HouD) This one time, she looked at me. I -think-. Either there was something in her eye, or the sun was bugging her, but, I swear! She looked over my shoulder.
(HouD) Like, really close to looking at the vicinity in which I was located.
(Duddle) hi all
(HouD) Duddle, shut up, I'm going on here.
(HouD) So anyway, this girl right?
(HouD) Totally alive.
(HouD) With limbs and all.
(HouD) Made my day.

(CrazyHarij) I'm I-roxing that
(+Robert^) lol
(HouD) Is that one of those sites where they put up quotes of stupid people talking on irc?
(Hellspawn-) yup
(Hellspawn-) one of them
(HouD) Because if it is, so help me God, I shall be known as Stupid McStupidson for all my days.
(15:23:00) (Hellspawn-) you better change your nick then..
(15:24:13) (HouD) Those sites are funny and all, but I hate when people come on here and start trying hard to be funny and get quoted.
(15:24:28) (HouD) Makes me want to kick their ass and claim Natural Selection in court.

<@Chris_D> Ahh, my Sims character was doing so well...
<@Chris_D> Bought a nice cheap small house - kinda like a two storey bedsit
<@Chris_D> Furnished it well, got a good job as a field sales rep, nice TV, nice friends
<@Chris_D> One day he meets the girl of his dreams and falls madly in love
<@Chris_D> It was the perfect story
<@TheDarkElf`> aww :p
<@Chris_D> Until the bitch moved in and one of her wants was to sleep with three different Sims :|
<@TheDarkElf`> lol
<@Chris_D> Frankly I'm hurt :(
<@TheDarkElf`> the slut
<@TheDarkElf`> lol
<@Chris_D> lol
<@Chris_D> I think I'll live (she won't she's under the patio) but it's great aint it? Even your virtual life can turn to shit :p

<D33`> ok, a joke
<D33`> Two men are talking in a pub
<D33`> one has a tomato in his right hand
<D33`> the other guy says to him, why do you have a tomato in your left hand
<D33`> sso
<D33`> the guy replies, you mean my right hand
<D33`> then a banana walks in, and orders a coke
<D33`> so the guy with the tomato in his right hand sits sipping his coffee
<Reeply8> d33, u on drugs?
<D33`> and the banana says
<D33`> cheque please
<D33`> and leaves
<D33`> speaking of which, wet leaves suck
<D33`> but back to the joke
<D33`> the man says, so why do you have a tomato in his right hand
<D33`> and he gets corrected again
<D33`> you mean you're
<D33`> no
<D33`> your
<D33`> no his
<SonicSamurai> teh fux?
<D33`> and the banana says
<D33`> nothing, cause it's left
<D33`> aHAHAHAHAa
<Dw2k> D33 wtf ?

<BJayD> School was just the easiest way to meet girls, they were stuck with you and there were lots of them, made it nice and simple
<BJayD> it's true, if they can't run away they have to let you grope them eventually

(+Marik) dan remember the 5 f's mate
(+Kryton) fffff?
(+Kryton) :E
(+Marik) Put them into use..
(+Deej) fffffish ?
(+Deej) :<
(+Kryton) fuckin fetish fish fiddling fucker?
(+Kryton) :E
(@Batz) what ever marik
(@Batz) i need a SSS at the mo
(@Batz) shit, shower and a shave, so brb :E
(+Kryton) :E
(+Marik) find em, finger em, fuck em, forget em
(@Batz) thats 4 you cock
(+Kryton) thats 4 F's u tit!
(@Batz) :E
(+Marik) hm...
(@Batz) rofl
(+Marik) I'm missing one!
(+Marik) Lemme think

<Dalamarii> !google masturbation
<SpYd3r> do an image search
<SpYd3r> easier to understnad

(F_Jack) i just asked someone who pmed me asl? - will you pray to the lord to send me a prostitute cos my wife is sick in the hospital and he said why?
(F_Jack) so i said her arse prolapsed due to too much anal and he said - sorry :)
(F_Jack) some ppl

(Kahuna) kind of the first rule of IRC...don't be insulted/upset if someone you don't know doesn't know your family situation
(Spookie|) kahuna: your mum smells of fish

amok99: i love bingo

wildcanary55: go away
xzet27: why?
wildcanary55: I'm working
xzet27: this is ur boyfriend
wildcanary55: this is your girlfriend's mother!
xzet27: o
xzet27: sry

<s4xton> "fo shizzle ma nizzle" is a bastardization of "fo' sheezy mah neezy" which is a bastardization of "for sure mah nigga" which is a bastdardization of "I concur with you whole heartedly my African american brother"

<Laura99> I had an ex called Jon...who spent all his time on the computer....so one day I stripped naked and stood beside him...he turned around and said "I get your point" and went back to playing his game :{

<phx\afk> i spent the past hour doing leet network diagnosis
<phx\afk> i flexed every single last one of my skillz
<Diz> to what end?
<phx\afk> i meditated on the problem
<phx\afk> i consulted the big book of hardware
<phx\afk> i consulted oracles, farseers, nearsighted witches and trolls
<phx\afk> what i shouldve done
<phx\afk> is PLUGGED THE FUCKING NETWORK CABLE INTO THE FUCKING SERVER

<Hidden_7> MOTHERFUCKING COMPUTER
<Hidden_7> it is an expensive piece of hardware
<Hidden_7> I've poured my heart, my soul, my LIFE into this bitch
<Hidden_7> and it won't fucking give up the goods
<Hidden_7> so fucking like a chick it's not EVEN funny

* FreeFrag finds it strange that as hardware gets older, your respect for it lessens.
<milenko> FreeFrag: same with wives

<eX|NYC> wtf my mom tells this lady to come over then she leaves 10 secs b4 she comes so im stuck here with this lady like uhh dude i dont know wtf she went leave me alone let me play my computer games >_<
<PJ> its called a baby sitter.

* CyberSh33p (~sh33p@24.10.42.227) has left #eoj
<Varg> I DEMAN SECKHS!
<Varg> *DEMAND

<Beastmonkey> I'v been using irc for so long that when I look at people I see them in text

<Ghostwind> any css news?
<Dalamari> Yes
<Dalamari> It sucks
<Zargos> thats old news

<@qui> You know those shows where people call in and vote on different issues? Did you ever notice there's always like 18% "I don't know." It costs 50p to call up and vote...They're voting "I don't know." "Honey, I feel very strongly about this. Give me the phone. (Into phone) I DON'T KNOW! (hangs up, looking proud) Sometimes you have to stand up for what you believe you're not sure about."

<{eCholaLia}> u know if u have a 56k modem , u can save time buy d/lin songs with the smallest amount of bitrate and changing em after wards with a convertor
<Natus> i think you may be legally retarded

(jimbobaggies) [10:15:11] <Brocken> BLEEP BLEEP BLEEP -- wtf is that going to do? he'll be like out the door, and - omg!!!!!1111 my computer is beeping
(Brocken) duno, maybe I was joking :p
(jimbobaggies) mebbe, I was being sarcastic...
(Brocken) WELL MAYBE I'VE GOT NO PANTS ON AND I'M TALKING TO MY LEFT TESTICLE...

Osaka> There's no room to be deppressed anymore.
Osaka> I'd angst, but you'd all go to the "Emo" routine.
Osaka> What am I to do, bottle my emotions?
CodenameROFL> yes.
Osaka> ...
Osaka> Teh world = Teh suck
CodenameROFL> YOU'RE NOT BOTTLING!!!!
Osaka> Code, you suck.
CodenameROFL> :P
CodenameROFL> I know
Osaka> Well, suck elsewhere.
CodenameROFL> ...
CodenameROFL> If I could do that, do you think I'd be lurking on the internet?
Osaka> Nuff said.