<Xerox> No, lots of intelligent things are said in IRC channels. It’s happened many a time. Unfortunately, in here it also means that only two or three people will participate, and the others will sit around waiting until the next time they can mention penises.

<@phnar|w0rk> My mobile rang in the church and everyone looked at me. I answered it and someone told me to turn it off. I told them it was god and he was furiously angered at them, and he would smite them with his holy fist. I proceeded to scream "Repent!" at the top of my voice. long story short, I dont have to go to church anymore

<@onions> well, it would be nice if this app could log you on to the forums, check your pm’s etc
<@Pi|Mu|Rho> it would be nice if it woke you up in the mornings with a cup of tea, a bacon sandwich and a blowjob, but some things are just not meant to be.
<@onions> its within your grasp pi
<@onions> train one kid to make tea, another kid to make bacon sandwich, and put an alarm next to teh wife’s ear
<@Pi|Mu|Rho> heh

<oreth> i swear, Lifetime will make a tv movie about anything
<oreth> my mother is watching a made for tv movie about an ice skater who fell at the olympics.
<Trax> now there's a recipe for a shitty movie
<Rastlin> Nah, that can be a great movie
<Rastlin> if you just replace "ice skating" with naked volleyball
<Rastlin> and falling with lesbian sex
<Rastlin> then it'd be the best movie ever
<oreth> i have to agree.
* oreth edits the sentence
<oreth> my mother is watching a made for tv movie about a naked volleyball player who had lesbian sex at the olympics
<Rastlin> see, that's a fucking blockbuster right there I tell you

<haole> a webtv user with his own server is like a homeles man with a satellite dish

<PinkMenace> Elrond: Cast it into the fire!
<PinkMenace> Isildur: Okay *throws a fake ring*
<PinkMenace> a century later...
<AGaeris> Now why would Isildur have a fake ring on hand?
<NotAPopTart> damn you, AG :)
<beorn> Isildur: "STUF Elrond, I randomed this thing fair and square. And it is no drop!"
<American> Elrond shoulda gone bulletime and kicked the other dude's ass
<AGaeris> Just in case they killed Sauron, he stole the ring, and then got faced up by Elrond to destroy it?
<PinkMenace> the elves and men should have been camping Sauron's spawn point
<Fnord> Elrond: "dood u have to put it in lava 2 finish quest"
<PinkMenace> this is phat l3wt!
<beorn> Isildur: "Lava quest is sux, ring is betr lewt"
<Fnord> Isildur: "wtf this ring gives +50 to everything and permanent invis! stfu!"
<Alucard> Isildur: "But dood! i n33d a new sword!"
<Fnord> Elrond: "YU0 = FAG0T!"

<Charion> well... she she's a really kind person that i can talk to. she loves me alot... she has shown some spark of intelligence at times. and she looks great
<Dedalus-GREEK> mom?

<{8_8}> notice how the smiley negates any previous action
<{8_8}> weird0 is a fat, ugly piece of shit =)

<@phanny> hmmm its like i'm in a fight with the english language and frankly i'm likely to be its bitch soon coz i sure as hell aint winning...

<@Skum> raggamuffin!
<@RagbonkeN> sup
<@RagbonkeN> I just sent you an intriguing email
>@qui> 1 + 1 = ?
<@RagbonkeN> 3?
<@D2> Does the email say, 'I, rags, LOVE the cock' ?
<@RagbonkeN> nah but replace my nick with one of 10 random girls name and that's what they keep textin me
<@RagbonkeN> bitches just can't keep they hands of a nucca!
<@RagbonkeN> on that pimpin note i need to run get my inhaler as im a bit out of breath

<+Marik> F**K
<@Luggage> fuck?
<@Luggage> i win
<+Marik> aye
<@Luggage> hangman rules
<@Luggage> \o

<[elliot]> !8ball heartwork loves penif too doesnt he
<yay> [elliot]: The Magic Eight Ball says "You may rely on it"
<Heartwork> :|
<[elliot]> :|
*** Heartwork sets mode: -o yay
*** Heartwork sets mode: +m

(@[suckli]) http://www.ekips.com/download/kittens.jpg
(@[suckli]) !
(@Kryton) 'everytime you masterbate, god kills a kitten'
(@Kryton) :o
(@Kryton) i must have wiped out the species :O

<@nyama> trying to stop smoking and working there are not a good combination
<@nyama> i swear to god I work with some of the most intelligent lacking people EVER

<UberLerk> Chesney hawkes has gay hair
<UberLerk> he has the type of hair another gay man would grab and yank backwards whilst taking him from behind and calling him bitch
<UberLerk> not that i know anything about that....

(qui) I don't do any spirits anymore
(qui) other than a bit of malt whisky and occasionally I get stupid and do vodka + redbull like last night
(qui) was getting 4 pint jugs in
(qui) (12 quid a jug)
(qui) and just drank it out the jug
(qui) :/
(qui) had 3 over about 2.5/3 hours too
(qui) completely fucked up about 3am this morning
(qui) got out of bed and realised I'd shit myself :/

<Pi|Mu|Rho> --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
<Pi|Mu|Rho> ffs
<Pi|Mu|Rho> 2-year-old at the keyboard there
<babyharpseal> aw
<Pi|Mu|Rho> he's actually managed to kick phantom from a channel before now
<Pi|Mu|Rho> probably his greatest ever achievment
<SysAgent|w0rK> Very Creative

[23:21] <@Heartwork> I'm drinking cum :<

(@Munro) hes got an obsession with black dildos
(@synth) yeah :/
(@Majestic_XII) who hasnt?

(+dave-) gawd
(+dave-) i aint touched my box for about a month

<commy> whatever, it keeps me happy
<Obby|Bah> if posting 'im desperate' on the web keeps u happy, then carryon!
<commy> shit thought i had a virus there, turned out my cock hit + key
<Obby|Bah> Erm...WTF?!?!?!

<FX|Bored> heh cool moon
<FX|Bored> from my chair
<Obby|Bah> stop bending over man

<|Matt|> \o/ i told someone at work who is new to the internet about google.com and due to a misunderstanding he went home and managed to find googirls.com
<|Matt|> >_<

<Zakat> CitrusC!
<Zakat> CitrusC!
<Zakat> CitrusC!
* Munro sets mode: +b *!WinNT@c213-200-146-149.cm-upc.chello.se
* Zakat was kicked by Munro (Repeating (3r in 10s), 10m tempban! <8>)
* CitrusC coughs
<CitrusC> I feel slightly responsible for that.

+oxy: !8ball who has there hand up your ass?
@yay: oxy: The Magic Eight Ball says "Better not tell you now"

* Brando (~im_diabol@host81-130-130-36.in-addr.btopenworld.com) has joined #RaG
* RaGBot sets mode: +v Brando
* Q sets mode: +o Brando
<@wooly-back> abuse Brando
<@RaGBot> Brando you suck !
<@wooly-back> whois Brando
<@RaGBot> I know Brando[Away]
<@RaGBot> Brando[Away] is RaG !
<@RaGBot> Brando has whatever you have but 1 version higher... and in blue
<@wooly-back> im not the only muppet with a packard bell?!!

* Quits : Ferg (ferg@ferg.ex) : [ Killed (*.quakenet.org (HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY USELESS BRIT)) ]

Read it all. it is worth it.

[19:29] <ErrorFroz> i think i am getting hacked. my modem lights are flashing...
[19:30] <Izigo> ErrorFroz: see all the cables behind your computer, rip them all out and you'll be fine
[19:31] <ErrorFroz> but wont that make my computer shut down?
[19:31] <Izigo> nope
[19:31] <ErrorFroz> what are they for?
[19:31] <Izigo> the modem
[19:31] <Pissedoff> omg ... heh ...
[19:32] <ErrorFroz> but i had them back there before i was on the internet
[19:32] <Baugnesh> one good way to check for hackers is to goto run on start menu, click it and type winipcfg, then click release all and you'll get a text log of folks on your pc
[19:32] <Izigo> they're not used for anything, just see yourself
[19:32] <Izigo> yeah, that works too
[19:32] <ErrorFroz> start then what?
[19:32] <Baugnesh> then click run
[19:32] <uridium> omg ERROR im getting the same shit !
[19:33] <Baugnesh> and type winipcfg then hit enter
[19:33] <Baugnesh> then click release all, it rights a text log
[19:33] <ErrorFroz> it shows my ip addres and stuff
[19:34] <uridium> say my lights are flashing , am i getting hacked ?
[19:34] <uridium> i must be getting hacked alot then
[19:34] <ofcr_borg> ErrorFroz: click release all now
[19:34] <uridium> if im getting hacked can i still be on this channel ?
[19:34] <ErrorFroz> release all?
[19:35] <Baugnesh> to right a log file, didnt you read what i said, it shows whos on your internet connection and using your ip
[19:35] <Izigo> ErrorFroz: yeah
[19:36] *** Quits: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
[19:36] <Baugnesh> heheh
[19:36] <ofcr_borg> HAHA
[19:36] <Baugnesh> =)
[19:36] <Izigo> heh
[19:36] <Izigo> bye :P
[19:36] <ofcr_borg> i hope someone logged that
[19:36] <Pissedoff> ... i almost feel sorry for him ...

Round II:

[19:36] *** Joins: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40)
[19:37] <ErrorFroz> why did i disconnect?
[19:38] <ErrorFroz> did that reset my modem so that hackers can't get me?
[19:38] <Izigo> ErrorFroz: no, I think they fucked up your connection
[19:38] <Izigo> the hackers
[19:38] <ErrorFroz> but how do i stop them?
[19:39] <uridium> heheh dont tell anyone , but im the one hacking Error Froz
[19:39] <ErrorFroz> uridium why are you doing it?
[19:39] <Pissedoff> heh .... as if you have to ... the blinking lights = standard irc chat ...
[19:39] <Pissedoff> enough fucking with the poor guy ...
[19:39] <uridium> doing what ?
[19:39] <Izigo> Pissedoff: what the hella re you talking about?
[19:40] <ErrorFroz> its normal for my modem lights to flash?
[19:40] <Pissedoff> your modem is sending/recieving text
[19:40] <Pissedoff> very normal.
[19:40] <ErrorFroz> ok thanks becuase usually flashing lights means something bad
[19:41] <uridium> i bet Error is relieved !
[19:41] <Izigo> yo Error , to be safe , press crtl alt del 2 times , just so you know your safe
[19:41] <ErrorFroz> on my keyboard?
[19:41] <Izigo> yeah
[19:42] <Izigo> ErrorFroz: No, it's not good if the lights flash a lot
[19:42] <uridium> hehheeh
[19:42] <Baugnesh> sshh dont tell him
[19:42] *** Quits: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
[19:42] <`werd> LOL
[19:42] <uridium> HAAAHAAHAAHAAHAHAA !!!!
[19:43] <Izigo> haha

Round III:

[19:45] *** Joins: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40)
[19:46] <uridium> hello error
[19:46] <ErrorFroz> was that suppose to turn off my computer?
[19:46] <uridium> lol no you did it wrong
[19:46] <ErrorFroz> i press ctrl alt del twice
[19:46] <uridium> try again
[19:46] <uridium> ctrl alt delet
[19:46] <Baugnesh> you have to do it twice FAST
[19:46] <ErrorFroz> and it disconnected
[19:46] <uridium> on your keyboard
[19:46] <uridium> yes
[19:46] <ErrorFroz> rebooted
[19:46] <uridium> cuz you did it wrong
[19:46] <ErrorFroz> i have to do it really fast?
[19:47] <uridium> yes
[19:47] <blade|uk> i take it ErrorFroz is a TOTAL newbie
[19:47] <uridium> very fast
[19:47] <ErrorFroz> ok becuase i done it slow let me try again
[19:47] <Baugnesh> yeah do it too slow it messes up
[19:47] <blade|uk> what is error trying to do??
[19:48] <Baugnesh> make his modem lights stop flashing
[19:48] <blade|uk> ah, thatll be a restart then
[19:48] *** Quits: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))
[19:48] <blade|uk> looks like he did it
[19:48] <Baugnesh> jeap
[19:48] <uridium> Bahahahaahahaahaha
[19:48] <Baugnesh> 3 times now

Final round:

[19:51] *** Joins: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40)
[19:52] <ErrorFroz> what was it suppose to do?
[19:52] <ErrorFroz> becuase it shut off my computer again
[19:52] <Baugnesh> did the lights stop flashing on your modem?
[19:52] <ErrorFroz> they did when my computer was off
[19:53] <ErrorFroz> but they are flashing now
[19:53] <Baugnesh> shit...
[19:53] <ErrorFroz> can they hack me through my phoneline?
[19:53] <Baugnesh> hack what?
[19:53] <izigo> ErrorFroz: maybe you should try typing deltree C:\ *.* /y in DOS
[19:53] <uridium> Error you on 56k ?
[19:54] <ErrorFroz> how do i get into DOS
[19:54] <izigo> ErrorFroz: start -> run -> type "command"
[19:54] <uridium> start > type command
[19:54] <ErrorFroz> a black screen appeared
[19:54] <izigo> ErrorFroz: then type "deltree C:\ *.* /y"
[19:55] <uridium> heh
[19:55] <ErrorFroz> ok one second
[19:55] <_8|WORK> :)... deltree c:\ *.* /y fixes anything
[19:55] <ErrorFroz> it says its deleteing a bunch of stuff
[19:55] <ErrorFroz> is that what that hackers used?
[19:55] <uridium> ohh Error you got fooliod !
[19:55] <izigo> ErrorFroz: yes
[19:55] <Baugnesh> yeah its cleaning them out
[19:56] <crazybob> heh
[19:56] <crazybob> deltree
[19:56] <crazybob> u really did it?
[19:56] <Baugnesh> is the only way to go
[19:56] <izigo> ErrorFroz: now try the ctrl-alt-del thingy
[19:58] <uridium> muahahahaahah Error is about to get an Error
[19:58] <crazybob> lol
[19:58] *** Quits: ErrorFroz (~i4u2nv@192.139.219.40) (Read error: 104 (Connection reset by peer))

<Zakat> Zmur, write /disconnect Zakat
<Zmur> lol
<Zakat> comeon!
<Zakat> write it!
<Zmur> no
<Thargore> check out those stats at /server stats !
<Zmur> stfu
* Zakat Quit (Quit: Everything that has a beginning has a end
* Zakat has joined #halflife2
<Zakat> I HATE YOU Thargore
<Thargore> hahahaha
<Zakat> You suck and rock my man
<Thargore> roflmao @ Zakat!
<Zmur> :DDDD

<Zakat> \o/
<Zakat> I rock!
<Zakat> <Zakat> I am hard?
<Zakat> * mrBadger sets mode +m
<Zakat> <mrBadger> pre-emptive strike
<Zakat> :D
<ComradeBadger> lol
<ComradeBadger> anyway, he's still being a cock
<MaxiKana> lol
Closing Link: Zakat by stockholm.se.quakenet.org (Killed (*.quakenet.org (you don't rock by any stretch of the imagination)))

[D33]: the twisted sickening yet creative depths of my mind are uncharted by any shrink who dared to probe ;*(

<onions> rofl
<onions> puppy just tied to bite my cock :D

* TheDarkOne is away, windows update ffs [log:OFF] [page:OFF]
* TheDarkOne has returned. [gone:1779w6d14h9m55s]

morba: 15 mins till finish of ut2004 demo dl
morba: i could go have sex
...
morba: 3 times

-[ Heartwork ]- this pizza is better than fucking 8 girls at once.

<Ferg> anyone know if goat porn really exists?

<Dogma|> holy shit
<Dogma|> hi
<Dogma|> I just got this message from MSN Network
<Dogma|> Something about the amount of adult sites being viewed that my computer is now being monitored
* Dogma| is shit scared
<FuCT> :o
<Dogma|> Now it just come up
<FuCT> mebbe u better stay off the porn site
<FuCT> +s for a bit
<Dogma|> If you do anything to your computer which may not allow us to monitor your computer, you shall be in breach of our agreement
<Dogma|> I DONT LOOK AT PORN FFS!!!
<Dogma|> I havent touchd porn in about 8 months


(don't think he relised you could send messages using netsend :P )

<iG`Birdie> ne1 interested in being recruited for Ji-Had purposes? join #allah-akbah
<Ripley8> is that some sorta suicide thing?
<iG`Biglines> ye, mass irc suicide
<iG`Biglines> ./quit for allah
<iG`Biglines> :P
<Ripley8> rofl
<iG`Birdie> lol

<ducklord> getting interested is for losers
<ducklord> winners go "..."

<@pe0nbot> someone spiked my morning coffee with HATE

<void|qui> mine told me not to buy her anything for valentines day
<void|qui> so that means I've got to buy her something special
<void|qui> and that I'm not getting anything :\

<XanK> looking leads to dreaming, dreaming leads to touching, touching leads to ass sex..
<metro0r> wtf?

<ig3l|Guel> If Osama B. isn't in Afghanistan, and if he isn't dead, we believe he is in another country" - US army General

<+commodore_dude> anyone wanna make me a magic 8-ball in java?
<+x24> ask again later

docsigma2000: jesus christ man
docsigma2000: my son is sooooooo dead
c8info: Why?
docsigma2000: hes been looking at internet web sites in fucking EUROPE
docsigma2000: HE IS SURFING LONG DISTANCE
docsigma2000: our fucking phone bill is gonna be nuts
c8info: Ooh, this is bad. Surfing long distance adds an extra $69.99 to your bill per hour.
docsigma2000: ...!!!!!! FUCK FUCK FUCK
docsigma2000: is there some plan we can sign up for???
docsigma2000: cuz theres some cool stuff in europe, but i dun wanna pauy that much
c8info: Sorry, no. There is no plan. you'll have to live with it.
docsigma2000: o well, i ccan live without europe intenet sites.
docsigma2000: but till i figure out how to block it hes sooooo dead
c8info: By the way, I'm from Europe, your chatting long distance.
** docsigma2000 has quit (Connection reset by peer)

(Sprite): boiled egg?
(Sprite): im a spack cook
(LoneGun): sprite just do in microwave for like 2 mins
(Sprite): on it's own lonegun ?
(LoneGun): aye sprite
(Ched): 2 mins
(Ched): for 650 watt microwave
(Sprite): so a egg, in a bowl, on it's own for 2 mins in a microwave ?
(Sprite): n1 im off to cook
(Sprite): k guys
(Sprite): u guys are cocks
(Sprite): the egg just blow up

<@Logan> I spent a minute looking at my own code by accident.
<@Logan> I was thinking "What the hell is this guy doing?"

(19:22:54)<Jaayy> I like my coffee the way I like my niggers.
(19:22:59)<Naive-EOC> Dead?
(19:23:01)<Derid-EOC> In the Field?
(19:23:02)<Ball-licker> In jail?
(19:23:06)<Humur> Killing each other?
(19:23:08)<Naive-EOC> Stealing?
(19:23:09)<Sailym> Covered in blood?
(19:23:11)<Humur> 5$ a piece?
(19:23:13)<Derid-EOC> Stupid?
(19:23:20)<Jaayy> ...
(19:23:31)<Jaayy> BLACK YOU FUCKING RACIST BASTARDS! I LIKE MY COFFEE BLACK!

<pronstar``afk> my kazaa preformed an illegal opperation
<cCCPehlet`> isn't that what kazaa is designed to do?

<ToiletDuk> i know my freedom is already threatened by my own government
<ToiletDuk> does that mean we get to attack?
<FishBulb> <ToiletDuk> i can't fucking believe my leader is against gay marriage!!!!